Favorite Ideas
- Exceptional relationships are those where you can fully be and develop yourself through trust, honesty, vulnerability, and productive conflict resolution.
- Growth happens through vulnerability. Share your vulnerabilities through statements about your emotions, rather than just facts. Encourage others to open up by affirming their emotions and asking for elaboration. Try to empathize with their perspective, staying in tune with both their emotions and your own. Over time, this builds deep trust.
- Growth can be blocked by fear of conflict. Allowing yourself to be an echo chamber or a doormat for the other person preserves niceties, but prevents both parties and the relationship from fulfillment. Be clear about what you want, and understanding of what the other person wants.
- When conflict does occur, try to address the problem while it is still small, before it grows into a larger issue with deeper ugly feelings (such as jealousy, resentment, or indifference) at play. Conflict resolution works best when the problem is approached with curiosity - when both parties are invested in walking through all of the issues, finding a resolution that deepens the relationship, and repairing any hurt feelings.
- Within an interaction, both parties know the observable behavior. But, only one knows the intention, and the other knows the impact. When you share feedback, try focusing on the objective behavior and the impact it had on you. Stay away from using the feedback sandwich approach or assuming the intent of the other person.
- When the other person shares their feedback, listen actively by nodding, acknowledging their feelings, and providing a space for them to continue sharing. Avoid judging or giving advice (unless they ask for it), and instead focus on staying curious and empathetic, especially when you disagree with their perspective. If the other person is having difficulty, help them by asking about what behaviors led them to feel the emotions they feel.
- You may face challenges sharing feedback because you are blocking emotions, getting defensive, or making up stories about the other person. Getting caught up in denial, explanations/excuses, retaliation, questioning intent, blaming, or insults will block a successful resolution. Remember, you are discussing the conflict out of care for the relationship and the desire to see it thrive.